Surviving Aggressive People

Case Studies from
Surviving Aggressive People

Surviving Aggressive People offers many scenarios that bring violence prevention skills to the real world. As you read through these scenarios, see if you can tell where the situation went wrong and what you would have done differently...

Scenario one: Kim's Story

Scenario two: Professor Rosen

Scenario Three: The Law Office

Scenario one: Kim's Story

(This scenario appears in Chapter 6: The Expert Aggressor of Surviving Aggressive People.)

Kim and Laura waited in the conference room.

“She’s late, as usual,” Kim sighed. “Thanks for coming Laura. I’m not looking forward to this. Firing someone’s hard enough, but frankly, Molly worries me. I don’t know how she’ll react.”
“Why is that?” asked Laura. “She seems nice enough. I mean in spite of her work record.”
Kim sat back in her chair and sighed. “She’s a nice person and that’s what makes this tough. Besides, word has it she’s under a lot of stress lately. Her husband just left her and she has to take care of the kids. She’s on the phone with her lawyer a lot. Sometimes she just gets so sullen and withdrawn.” Kim gazed out the window. “I guess I worry about what might be going through her head.”

“Kim, you’ve done everything you can to keep her. Unfortunately it’s just time for her to move on to something else. It’s not like she hasn’t seen this coming. Take it from me, letting someone go is never easy. But I’m sure it’ll all work out fine.”

Kim and Laura worked in a mid-sized insurance company and Kim, a manager, had been having disciplinary problems with Molly, a claims processor, for some time. Molly increasingly arrived late to work, failed to meet deadlines, and rarely attended required meetings. Kim had spoken to Molly several times and had offered the services of the company’s Employee Assistance Program (a free, confidential counseling service contracted by many employers) to help her work out her personal problems.

It was all to no avail. After months’ worth of documenting problems and meeting with Molly to address the problems, Kim had exhausted her options. The situation was getting worse and the work simply wasn’t getting done. Kim was starting to feel pressure from her superiors who saw that the quality of her department’s work was falling, and from her employees who resented Molly’s lack of performance. It was time to let Molly go. Besides, Kim reasoned, Molly was clearly unhappy; she would be better off somewhere else.

Now she sat waiting with Laura, one of the company’s Human Resources representatives. Laura was new to the company and fresh out of college. Her lack of experience was disquieting to Kim. She knew that this was going to be a stressful meeting.

Finally Molly arrived. She was more than 15 minutes late and looked haggard, as if she had just rolled out of bed.

Kim and Laura stood to greet her.

“Hi Molly,” Kim said with the same tone she would use to greet someone at a funeral.
Molly averted eye contact and seemed to already know what this meeting was about. “Hi,” she said quietly.

Kim wanted to get the meeting moving as quickly as possible. “I think you’ve met Laura from Human Resources.”

“Yeah,” Molly answered. “Hi.”

Laura returned the greeting almost apologetically. “Hi Molly.”

The three of them sat down around the conference table. Molly avoided eye contact and looked terribly troubled. Kim wished she could leave and suddenly realized that Molly sat between her and the door, blocking her only exit. Nor was there a phone in the room. She wished she’d planned better.

Kim began. “Well, Molly, I’ll get straight to the point. The reason we’ve called this meeting is to let you know that the company has decided to terminate our working relationship with you.”
Molly made eye contact for the first time. She was shocked. “What?”

Kim fidgeted in her seat. “Molly, you know we like you here, but I’m afraid that it just isn’t working out. The higher-ups have decided to let you go.”

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Molly was genuinely shocked. She knew that this would be a disciplinary meeting, but she had no idea she’d be fired. It felt like ages before Laura finally spoke up.

“Molly, I have a final check here, along with some information on your health insurance and…”
Molly leaned forward in her chair and stared directly at Kim. “Oh my god! How could you do this to me?”

Kim didn’t know how to answer. “Molly, this… this wasn’t my decision… The higher-ups…”
“Don’t talk to me about the ‘higher-ups’!” Molly was beginning to shout. Her brow was furrowed and she leaned far forward in her chair.”

“YOU’RE my supervisor, Kim! YOU’RE the one who talks to them. YOU’RE the one firing me!”

There was another uncomfortable pause. Molly leaned back in her chair and looked out the window while she tried to suppress her tears. “I can’t believe you’re doing this! I thought you were my friend.”

That last, stabbing comment hurt and angered Kim. “Molly, please try to calm down,” she pleaded.

Molly looked horrified. She stood up. “Calm down? What the hell are you talking about? Do you have any idea what I have to face at home?… DO YOU?”

Molly was visibly agitated now. She had tears streaming down her reddened face and was beginning to pace back and forth with her arms crossed tightly in front of her.

Kim was becoming terribly nervous and wished she could leave to call security. She was kicking herself for sitting so far from the door. She didn’t know what to do. Ending the meeting was the first and only thing that crossed her mind.

“Molly,” she said, “I think it’s time to end this meeting.”

Molly was astonished and the tears continued to stream down her face. “That’s it?…You bitch! I can’t believe this!”

Molly’s astonishment quickly turned to fury as she picked up a note pad and threw it at Kim. She began to pace frantically and knocked over a chair, then another as she sobbed and shouted at the two ladies.

Kim and Laura were dumbfounded. They were afraid to say anything for fear that it might make the situation worse, and they feared standing up and leaving as that might make Molly become even more physically violent.

Kim had no idea what to do. She would have given anything not to have been there..

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Scenario two: Professor Rosen

(This scenario appears in Chapter 2: Don't Shame the Aggressor of Surviving Aggressive People.)

Professor Rosen sat at the desk of her campus office finishing the semester’s business. Classes were finished, papers were graded, scores were posted. Only a few more hours worth of administrative paperwork and she could look forward to two weeks of well-earned vacation.
It was a Thursday afternoon, and she diligently created organized piles from the chaos at her desk—student papers here; forms and required paperwork there—when she heard a soft knock at her door. She didn’t look up right away, although the timid knock told her it was a student at the door, and not someone more important. Students had been coming and going all day. Some had been seeking guidance, some wanted to argue grades, and some had simply wanted to linger and chat.

Little grunts, she thought, what does this one want? I really don’t have time for this.
Finally, she looked up. She had a vague recognition of the student who stood before her, but couldn’t place him. She’d had over three hundred students this semester. Most of them had taken her economics class because it was required of them, not because they wanted to. This one looked like the class had been forced on him under threat of caning and bamboo shoots. He looked absolutely beaten. She went back to her paperwork for a moment, eventually announcing, without looking up, “yes, what can I do for you?”

There was a long, uncomfortable pause while she worked. Finally, she looked up as if expecting the student to announce either his name or his problem.

“Brandon,” he said quietly.

Professor Rosen looked puzzled.

“Brandon Johnson.”

The professor stared at him. His name still didn’t register.

“Economics 204,” he continued.

Finally, a familiar reference. “Ah yes, Brandon. Have a seat.”

The professor went back to work for several moments, scribbling her signature and adding more papers to the neat piles. Brandon rearranged the chair so that is was slightly closer to the door, fiddled with his book bag before finding a place for it in on the office floor, then sat in uncomfortable silence until she finally addressed him.

“What can I do for you?” she asked without looking up.

Brandon fiddled with his hands. He wished he hadn’t set his book bag down. “Well, professor, um, according to the grades posted outside your office, I got a C in your class.”

“Go on,” she said, still shuffling her papers.

“The problem is, if I get lower than a B, I lose my scholarship.… Permanently. That means I have to, um, drop out of college.” Brandon’s voice was cracking and he could barely sit still. He felt like he was going through the humiliation of puberty all over again. The professor offered no response.

“The thing is, I can’t let that happen. I mean it just can’t.”

There was yet another uncomfortable pause as the professor scanned a paper with her eyes and pounded her signature across the bottom. Finally, she offered some semblance of a response: “And why are you here today?”

“Um, well, I was hoping ma’am, that there might be an extra credit assignment, um… or a book I could read or something.” Another uncomfortable pause. “…Anything that might raise my grade.”

The professor continued to work with the forms and papers in front of her. Good Lord, she thought, what am I supposed to do with this kid? Am I supposed to hand out grades like candy? If he wanted a higher grade, he should have studied a little harder. Nobody ever gave me anything, and I’m glad. Charity makes you soft.

Still looking down, she said “I’m afraid the grades have already been entered into the computer. Besides, that would hardly be fair to the other students.”

Brandon took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. I just told her my entire future is at stake, he thought, and she sits there like she couldn’t care less. She won’t even look at me. I knew this would happen!

“But professor, if you check my records I’m a solid student… You know? I worked incredibly hard in your class.” Another uncomfortable pause. “There must be something I can do!” Brandon’s voice was becoming high pitched and strained. He was leaning forward in his chair as if he were ready to sprint at the sound of a starter gun.

Finally the professor looked up. She had heard whining students all semester and she was tired of it. She usually liked her job and her students, but she needed a break from the incessant complaining.

“Young man, I can understand your problem. But I’d recommend that you calm down and examine the fact that you are responsible for your own grade. There are, after all, consequences to our actions.”

Brandon looked stunned. He had always been a good student, and no one had ever spoken to him this way.

“I’m afraid I can’t discuss it any further,” she continued, “I’m sorry. Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m really quite busy.”

With that, she went back to her paperwork.

Brandon sat stunned. It felt as if his entire future had been destroyed with this one short conversation. He sat for a moment, unable to get up, and muttered to himself.
“I can’t believe this…”

The professor looked up once again.

“I’m sorry, young man, but I do have other matters to attend to.”

Brandon was astonished. He rose slowly and turned toward the door, almost forgetting his book bag. He drifted into the hallway like a lost soul, his eyes to the ground, his mouth still open from disbelief.

Out of the bustling hallway activity, a friend approached. He had been waiting for Brandon and knew his plight.

“So, what happened?” the friend asked anxiously.

Brandon looked sad, angry, and lost all at once. “It’s not taken care of yet… but it will be soon enough.”

The friend looked confused. “What does that mean?”

“She just cost me a college degree,” Brandon answered. “She thinks she can lecture me about consequences…” he let out a disdainful huff. “She’s gonna find out about consequences.”.

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Scenario three: The Law Office

(This scenario appears in Chapter 3: Don't Shame Yourself of Surviving Aggressive People.)

Gary sat behind his plush reception desk talking to a client over the phone when Peter stormed into the office looking frustrated and nervous. He waited for a brief moment, hoping that Gary would conclude his phone conversation quickly.

“I’ll let Ms. Cooper know that the package is in the mail,” Gary said to the party on the other end of the line. “Yes… Is there anything you can fax us in the meantime?”

Unable to contain himself any longer, Peter interrupted.

“Excuse me, I need to speak with Sandy Cooper.”

Gary covered the phone with his hand and whispered to Peter that he would be finished in a moment. He returned to his phone call.

Peter wouldn’t wait. “Excuse me!” he insisted, “I need to talk to Sandy!”

Gary looked annoyed. “I’m sorry ma’am. May I put you on hold for a moment?” he asked the other party. “Thanks.”

He turned to face Peter, who was practically leaning over the counter. “I’m sorry sir, Ms. Cooper is in a meeting with a client at the moment.”

“Well I’m a client too,” Peter countered, “and I have a serious problem with my case. I need to talk to her.”

“I’m sorry sir, she specifically asked not to be disturbed,” Gary answered in his most patient tone.

Peter leaned further over the desk.

“I said, I NEED TO SEE HER. Now get on your intercom and start pushing buttons!”

At that point, Gary knew that this no ordinary upset client. This one was truly angry, and had caught Gary completely off-guard. He felt a rush of adrenaline and looked around as if searching for help, or at least the right words to say. He was at a loss. Ms. Cooper had been very specific. She was with an important client and would not tolerate this type of an interruption. Why does this have to happen now, Gary wondered.

“Um... I don’t know sir… I really don’t think I can do that.”

Peter pounded his hands on the desk and stood upright, then walked behind the counter where he could confront Gary directly.

“Maybe you don’t understand me. I’ve got a serious problem and I need to speak with her—now!” he ordered through clenched teeth.

Gary averted eye contact. He was leaning so far back in his chair that he felt he would tip over at any moment. He laughed nervously as he answered.

“Sir, I’m just a receptionist here. I don’t know what you expect me to do! It’s not like they put me in a decision-making position here… Heh-heh. Heh.”

Peter moved in even closer, standing over Gary like a vulture. He was so close that Gary could feel his breath.

“What are you? A flippin’ idiot?” he shouted.

Gary, paralyzed with indecision managed to stutter, “Sir I really think you should calm down…”

At that, Peter grabbed Gary by the collars of his shirt and pulled him to his feet. “You moron! Get her out here! NOW!” he roared..

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